Week Five: Anger - Friend, Foe or Fuel?

By now, many of you are experiencing the frustration of trying to change your lifestyle. Perhaps you are out of sorts because you haven’t conquered going to bed a ½ hour earlier so you’re loosing a ½ hour sleep every time you get up to do your morning pages, and now you’re crabby. Perhaps you’re mad because the time you set aside for your artist dates keeps getting eaten up by the needs of others. Perhaps you are frustrated with yourself because you keep “frittering away” the time you set aside to express your creative bent. Perhaps you don’t feel supported by your intimates in a practical way that allows you to have time to create. Perhaps you feel angry because attempts to organize a creative space at home are being undermined (either by yourself or someone else). And now you’re angry. What you do with that anger is important.

Anger is not to be feared. Anger can be a friend, a catalyst to break up the old and launch you into the new. After Pete and I had dated for about 2 years we were tightly enmeshed in an unhealthy way of relating. Neither of us could break out on our own. Pete was thinking of leaving the state, and taking a job in Oklahoma. We both wanted out --- yet we loved each other --- SO confusing! It all came to a head on Saturday afternoon when we were “discussing” --- VERY loudly the state of our relationship and whether Pete was going to go to Oklaholma. I can see it clear as day - our discussion was quickly increasing in volume, and intensity. Finally Pete yelled, “WELL WHETHER I GO OR WHETHER I STAY, THINGS ARE GOING TO BE DIFFERENT FROM NOW ON!!!!” It was so loud, and so jarring, and both our feelings of anger so intense --- that it broke something in the atmosphere. Quietness came over both of us. After we had sat there for a few minutes in silence. I answered, “Yes, they will.” And they were, he stayed in the state, but we broke up for over a year, and I left for the summer – to work in Colorado. He came to get me, and slowly over the next year we built a NEW relationship --- one that has lasted these 26 years. We needed the frustration and anger created by the dysfunctional patterns in our old relationship to be a catalyst to break us out and make way for the new.

Often anger shows us what and where we need to change. It shows us where our boundaries are being transgressed. It shows us where “something is a rye”. Anger is not a destination. If we will listen it will point the way out of the situation we are in.

When I am angry with the kids because we are late for church, and I feel like, “That’s it --- I’ve had it! I can’t live like this anymore! It’s too much pressure! It’s not fair!!!! It’s this one’s fault! Or its that one’s fault! Or the dog’s fault!” I have a choice here. I can stuff my feelings and say, “Christians shouldn’t be angry.” Or I can really look at what I’m feeling. Yes, it’s too much pressure! Who’s putting the pressure on the system? Me. Hmm. How? By doing exactly what I’m doing yelling at the kids for: not getting up early enough to take into account the unexpected things that invariably go wrong. Hmmmm. I can’t live like this anymore!!! Yes, that’s right, I don’t want to live like this anymore --- but unless I make a conscious effort to change I will continue to live out this pattern. Am I angry enough to stop living like this? Or do I just want to vent and rant and rave? What is the first step?

Working with your anger is helpful. Anger points the way to change. Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is meant to be respected. Anger is a voice, a shout, a plea, a demand. Why? Because anger is a map of where our boundaries are. Anger is a sign of health. Anger is meant to be acted upon, not acted out. Anger can be fuel for the actions that we need to take, with a little thought, and help from the Holy Spirit we can understand the message that our anger is sending.

What are your angry, frustration thoughts this week regarding creativity? Where do they lead you? Are you blaming? Or is there something you truly need to confront? What changes do you need to make in your lifestyle? What healthy communication do you need to engage in?

“I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.” Duke Ellington

This week in morning pages: Identify, and deal with anger that is coming up as you change your lifestyle. The last of the affirmations:

1. I am willing to create.
2. I am willing to learn to let myself create.
3. I am willing to let God create through me.
4. I am willing to be of service through my creativity.
5. I am willing to experience my creative energy.
6. I am willing to use my creative talents.

Don’t forget your artist dates!